i dont want october.

ive taken my time as i picked apart my past waiting patiently to catch the solutions to questions i have asked. i have been taking my time picking apart the dead, grabbing each and every thought that flowed throughout her head. was i right or was i wrong? the misery of october. the scent, and the air that is allowed, its almost as if its the only time christ will ever sin. it feels like i have found the door to heaven but waiting for her to spread her wings and welcome me in. ive followed the path that the curves in her body portrayed. all the photographs that painted the portrait ive been staring at, behind my eyes, night and day. but as time goes by, memories have never seem so faded and the comfort never felt so far away. shattered glass replaced us with a photograph. nothing really makes sense to me anymore. nothing really feels like its in place, and its like theres no place for anything to be put in. almost a permanent off balance? ive touched the ground before, and it treated me so kind. for some odd reason i just cant seem to extend my legs so i guess comfort ive failed to find? how easy it was for all to abandon. am i a broken leg? thinking back i seem to recall somebody i thought was gold. little did i know it was a stranger forming to fit the mold by all the lies ive been told. every move ive made, has been broken down. over analyzing every glance i take. is there a reason why everyone around me seems so alive inside? whats in this october air that makes me inconfident, insecure, and running off to hide? its like everything i do, im destined to lose. whats for the better, just cuts me into two. nights laying awake with my head in my hands. one day id hope to make a bed that stands. when its time for bed i tell myself i am happy. ive let myself down, as my shadow just stares at me. you're body, itd fit perfectly as if alligned. you're head, would rest perfectly under my chin as if designed. you're arms, formulate, and lock in with mine, as one together we could have formed the worlds longest line. like ive said before, ive burned down every single bridge with no plans to rebuild. all it does is give that person youve built to secure, an easier way to walk on you. i used to think, the best thing in life would be being the best thing in someones life, but when the eyes of a beauty takes you to you're knees, make sure you use you're hands to guide you to you're seat. this weather just makes me want to let the world go, but i have nowhere to go. ill just look deep into my future outside my window. but, now its time for bed and i can safely say im unhappy. because i infact have seen better days, but they just laughed at me.