chillin

wokeup and went to the mall.
so many of the same kids.
stop picking on younger kids who dont know better.
if you do you're just as lame as they are, if not worse.
hungout at pesces with friends.
left then went to shawns to hang with more friends.
im listening and enjoying senses fail right now.


someone anonymsly(speltwrongprobably) told me i made this for attention. wich is cool, i get it completely why you would say this. they were probably my friend. i guess its a crime to enjoy writing? especially if its what you 100 percent feel no matter how much of a broken record the topic is? dont care then dont read it. dont knock it, or you can, whatever. atleast you're reading and forming an opinion, good or bad on it. im listening to senses fail, hate me for that instead. do it. im enjoying it too. what's up now? you're so hardcore.

oh and

nuff said nigga

whats todays date?

i dont really have much to say, no one even reads this. i spend most of my time now sleeping. i havent gone out in awhile, and if i do its by myself. i think without complaining and sounding down, i am just happier alone. spending time alone more often then with people, makes you relize alot of things. going out and seeing people, theyre characteristics that they inherited from others glow and its as if everything they truely are is invisable and you can only see whats fake and not supposed to be there. its really sad actually. i dont know how you can be anyone but yourself. but thats not my problem so oh well. i want to go to the mall today or tonight to get some food and get a pair of shoes. we'll see what happens, ill probably watch a movie and fall asleep instead though. take the lonely road. it has been really nice though not dealing with anyones shit. ive always wanted someone to be there, and to basically more or less have but i guess i never relized, all the time fighting for that opportunity with her, in the meantime i was getting stronger by myself. someone asked me this morning why i dont take classes at brookdale, and it felt so far out of reach. i wish growing up, i took the help. i have always wanted to do everything by myself, and i never did anything i didnt want to. im not saying im not proud for taking the hard way out, im just saying i guess when you dont read the instructions when you build something, it has a most likely chance of being less accurate when its finished. lifes okay though, i cant complain. i found my way when i was a little kid, and i will make it work no matter what. see you on the other side.

.

Say this is jealousy that im feeling well then im fine with that. You have a certain characteristic that gives you the means to not feel a fucking thing for anyone that isn’t you. Now tell me you’re not fucking selfish. For every kind hearted word that I spoke to you. I beg I could take back every syllable you ripped from my mouth as I screamed for you to understand. What it feels like to not be as important to someone as they are to you. Well I’ve been on both ends and my lesson was learned. So I tell the stories of collapsed lungs so maybe the fortunate could get a fighting chance to just cut and fucking run. Fuck saying the right things. I’m sick of being your crutch. I will never pick you up again. Don’t show me that face, you know the one that I’m talking about. You will never get under my skin again. Not another word. Not sorry for shit...
I’m leaving you breathless...
broken...
alive...
alive...

i dont know

i might be wrong because as of right now ive never felt so alone, but i think i made a huge mistake.

man on a mission

nothing new.
did the normal today: nothing.

when i was younger, in 3rd grade or so my music teacher gave us a sheet of paper and a pencil. he then began to hum notes and asked us to mark on the paper where you think the visual of the sound would be. it was so difficult for everyone in the class to do it, it finally after 20 minutes became a challenge with a reward for the one who got it on exact placement. so there we were, the whole class marking down where they think each sound would be on the piece of paper just by difference. he then went around to all of the desks and i was the only one in the class that got it correct. i didnt understand the big deal, why it was so difficult because well, it was such an easy concept i seemed to grasp almost like i was meant to correnspond with it. from 3rd grade, to tonight. that one day in school has been unraveling itself, and as each day goes by it makes that more bit of sense. last night, i was listening to my favorite song, you know, that song that gets you through whatever obsticle you seem to be having trouble jumping at the time. the song that makes everything better, and my cell phone vibrated. the vibration hitting the desk produced a sound that happened to be in the same key as the chorus of the song. just the vibration itself fit so perfectly, as if a slot opened up in the song for the vibration to reach a higher or lower pitch. the crazy part is, i think i could have pointed that out to you in 3rd grade....

todays date

its been good days. im better off. i spent to much money on food today. mad mcdonalds, then a slice of pizza. a bottle of coke i didnt drink. fuck. oh well. new years i went to carlys. then played some music. kids just get even more pathetic as the minutes pass but whatever. i need some money. im broke niggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. whatever. belive it or not, life would be so much harder for me without this stupid thing. buy me some shirts. i like the fact that i cant see you without seeing through you now. makes me happy. this goes out to the kids who have a world as small as mine. peace.