MY LIFE

The party starts at nine p.m. at which ever house is close and vacant,
We'll call the ten friends we've got left to pretend we've got a life.
The boys are slaying shitty brews, and I've been slaying orange juice.
You know we don't got shit to do, I guess we'll stay the night, fuck.



GAME OVER GUYS.
GAME OVER.

good friends doing bad things

good friends doing bad things
kids of nothing
fuck it all
went to my secret spot tonight
it was raining
i was wet
now im not
the wonder years
the gaslight anthem
brand new
skinnylove
it makes me not want to die
thinking comes too often for me
tomorrow we write more music
show in december
more soon
its hard to be the better man
i dont want to anymore
no boxers right now
just shorts
my friends are missing
i need to start school
i need to finish school
i need a job
i need my car
i live a life of procrastination
im starting to not like you guys
understanding the ones that were close, should be dead.
friday mother of mercy and cold world
cool i guess.
saturday halloween
i dont really know
going to make something to eat
then think about this situation that needs solution
peace

sweet.

apparently, you can fail highschool for being to scene.
i did.

In place

yesterday we wrapped up recording. it sounds surprisingly good and today we have to m ix it all. L hopped on a track and killed it. Hester killed it aswell. Im excited to start at the bottom and climb. After recording, Me chez L hester pesce drove to NElly's to get good. I got a fat AXP. After we just called it a night. Halloween soon, what the fucks good.

Fuck the bitches, i have shit to live for now.
I have shit behind me pushing me forward.
Shit is now in place, replacing you.
The door has now slammed itself shut.
Im not really sure if it will be open ever again.

fuck you

i really dislike:

quickcheck car kids.
junction car kids.
fresh fitted hat blunt smokers.
burnt out hippie blunt smokers.
stereotypical cheerleading party girls.
zumies semitight pants supra shoed kanyewest wannabe black kids.
fresh ecko unltd try hard graffiti writers.
ANY HOT GIRL WHO SMOKES/DRINKS.
hitop nikes, tight pants, bright diamond patterned against all odds hoodie FYS kids.
emmure/acacia strain hardcore kids with their basketball shorts and tough attitudes.

clothes that fit you, quick to judge, hate everything, miserable kids.....oh wait..

after

not much to say.
theres some picture.
alright.

uncomfortable vs comfortable

i feel uncomfortable when you lay you're head on my shoulder.
i feel uncomfortable when you put you're arm in mine.
i feel uncomfortable when you put you're hand holds my back pocket as we walk.
i feel uncomfortable when you speak the same words when i speak them.
i feel uncomfortable when you pull my arm down.
i feel uncomfortable when you stop short while walking infront of me.
i feel uncomfortable when you look at me like that.
i feel uncomfortable when you mess with my hair.
i feel uncomfortable when you call me matty.
i feel uncomfortable when you smoke.
i feel uncomfortable when you are under the influence.
i feel uncomfortable when you tell me you love me.
i feel uncomfortable when you hug me and never let go.
i feel uncomfortable when im around you're friends.
i feel uncomfortable when im in you're head.
i feel uncomfortable when you dont know what to say.
i feel uncomfortable when i listen to some of my favorite music.
i feel uncomfortable when i am in you're neighborhood.
i feel uncomfortable when i see you're car.
i feel uncomfortable when i hear you're name.
i feel uncomfortable when i see you're picture.
i feel uncomfortable when you smile via text message.
i feel uncomfortable when you tell me you miss me.
i feel terribly uncomfortable when i am searching for you're comfort.
you're my comfort. only you. its unreal at what one person can do to you. back and forth i just feel empty, then filled with love. i never thought a person could feel like this. it doesnt register in my brain. in a matter of seconds i drop, or rise higher, all based on her actions. all these years, all that matters is her. plain and simple. thats it. no matter how down i am, the worst part is, i am alright with it. its hard to stay positive, and keep strong when i the back of you're head you ask you'reself everyday, am i in love? its such a bad feeling when the only experience with such a thing is sour. it will never leave you until you give it a fine chance. i guess that im just still waiting for that to happen. if you think anything about admitting to love, is being a pussy, then you have something terribly wrong with you. i want to turn these bad times into good so badly. i dont know what it is. if you see this, i survived playing in traffic. i think about you alot. to the normal person this entry is very stupid. to the select few who share the feeling, thanks for understanding. goodnight. i love you.

a toungue in a sharks mouth

everything we said, everything we told each other. it meant nothing to you.

cold lipz

bruce springsteen- born to run
bruce springsteen- thunder road
angels and airwaves- the adventure
angels and airwaves- good day
title fight- no one stays at the top forever
the gaslight anthem- the backseats
american football- never meant
brand new- not the sun
foundation- heartless
forfiet- visions
neyo- closer

im not into whats in or whats out, or whats cool or whats not, if im gay for lsitening to this or if im cool for lsitening to this, whatever. these songs explain something or another. nothing to say.

kids of nothing

im slipping. i need to get back into shape and stop putting everything i want off to the side. im letting this female drag me behind her car while she drives it. why? couldnt tell you. its time for me to get in gear and ditch this degrading feeling i have. the lonesome has to go. out with the sorrow. i want to take this failure and mold it into gold. i used to always think i would be left alone while everyone my age around me goes away to college to pursue they're happy little fairytale lives. good for them, the point is, why did i expect such low expectations for myself my entire life? i sat and lived my own life as the sheep around me gathered they're food and found shelter. i have met my goal. the goal i set, i have now met and i am still hungry. a life of nothing. i want to run down this broken confused path of mine but i can barely walk. all my life, ive been waiting for this nothing. ive built a fort out of failure and a bunker out of spite, but whos this leader to tell the sheep that they're wrong or right? how could i take nothing and turn it into something? as ive been living my life pushing everybody away from me in fear of getting let down after i take them in, i am the one who i should have been watching. i set a curse on myself. i got the best of myself, and now i am unfixable and everything underneath my skin has gone to sleep and the only living aspect of this body is the thorne stuck in my side. im tired of this. im tired of it. im tired of it. im tired of it. im changing. you you you you you and you are getting thrown under the bus. i could give a shit about any of you're reputations, it means nothing to me who you know, what you're good at, or anyother fabrication of identity any kid gets confused with judgemental wise. i dont care what you think about me from how i act, the things i say, the things i wear, my own word i turn back on ( by the way its not a hypocryt when you grow up and get over the feelings that produced such a bold statement, and for any friend that wants to bitch and complain abut me and her being tight again just leave now because she will always be my best friend and i love her more then life and any of you worthless pieces of shit will never care or know me as well as she does, and calling me a hypocryt is the perfect example ) , to you're self centered negative thoughts on the words i put in this writing space. kids of nothing.
















also. for these random highschool chumps.
you know not a single thing about me.
i hear the shit you talk.
but i dont see the words leaving you're mouth.
i see you're words leaving the mouths of the sheep.
you step a crooked walk, you and you're boys.
fitted hats are the new muscles.

i dont know

this is the most random picture ive ever came across what? ok.


i feel used. i never relized it until now. whatever. you're being left in the past. im turning my back on alot of people i never thought i would. people that ive shared much of my time with, but if it meant anything, there wouldnt be a reason for such departing. oh well, life sucks i guess. you're going backwards. give me something amazing to share. change my life. you know who you are.

demise

its rather terrible after i think about it. i have no desire whatsoever to spend anytime with you, nor share any space with you. anything beyond a good old conversation between us seems so fake. in an hour or two im going to anchorage to let balloons go for dana with sme friends then probably out to eat. rest in peace. party in the bush.

18

i apologize for anyone that views this that is my family, but i still stand by this note/picture as strong as i did when i wrote it. i will never give in. die slow, you will. i promise.

outline

today/tonight was great. it opened up my eyes. i wokeup, kicked around the house all day. drove to brookdale to get shotdown because i am poor so i guess that means ill kick reality off to the side for a few mroe days. then i went to the bruce show with my family and friends that i can call family. it was amazing. mindblowing to see hes still running around like a little kid. hes truly the boss. id work for him. after we got home i went to get food by myself but nothing was open so i took a much needed drive all the way to nellys. it was good to clear my head after a good day. we start re screening everything tomorrow i hope for the new band's merch since we finilized the band name. then tracking vocals real soon. got some shows linedup. the next 2 years are in place, just have to walk through it. i promised myself i am going to stay away from these crazy females. i dont want that. so stay away, unless you're blonde, then in that case you probably smoke pot and drink beer alot so ill stay away. peace 1. back and forth.