Back and forth

im in a pretty back and forth mood right now. ive been shifting to the sides and gonig up and down, all across the room, walking on the cieling, crawling on the floor, gliding up against each and every wall there is. what the fuck. one minute. the next. the next. the next. the next the nextt thern fdshfwenlnexct.4ergsdg. go go go go go. i dont know whats in my head right now. i dont want to think about dana centanni. another kid just died. i didnt know him.



many terrible things have set us back, but the more i i lose, the more i need. i know you will come across this. i havent seen you in awhile. i miss you, and i would like to share my stupid world with you. thats pretty much it. lifes cool lately. whatever. fuck the negative, and try to stay positive, but end up negative in the end and then fuck every good thing i have to hell, and end up in my bed and 12 people mad at me then i dont care, then they hate me then i get spiteful so then i drink soda and i odsgdfjklhsgh0-ypije3lkgjsdfgklhdfjkdg KILL ME.




BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
ITLL NEVER END

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_c9v9G5-xs&feature=player_embedded#t=144







I can say i am straight edge, but i dont support shuving my beliefs down other peoples throats as to people wearing certain things as a fashion statement to give off the straight edge, or just being an obnoxious rude asshole to prove to people that i am straight edge. I think its silly. I think if its a personal choice then keep it to yourself. Why go through so much to brag and to prove, when inside thats really who you are? I really wouldnt like it if someone bragged to me how badly they got hammered the night before now wouldnt i? Those are just my thoughts. But, whats my word? My opinion doesnt matter im just another human on this earth whos got something to say. I watched this trailor, and i can honestly say i support it 100 percent. I think it looks sick. As for me? tomorrow im gong out to lunch, then to long island to hangout. Dont get in contact with me. Maybe ill have some fun!

You

would you walk with me out on the wire?

you're still freezing.

shes what they call a best friend.
she is such a good person and i love her.
i always did, and i always will.
what you hear doesnt matter.
steaaaaaalll my souulllll

im in an amazing mood.
god damn.








































































































































































































where have you been?
i remember you.
barely.
you're probably freezing.
you sold you're self short for a good time.
every move you make
will never matter in a year.
you're freezing.

i dont want october.

ive taken my time as i picked apart my past waiting patiently to catch the solutions to questions i have asked. i have been taking my time picking apart the dead, grabbing each and every thought that flowed throughout her head. was i right or was i wrong? the misery of october. the scent, and the air that is allowed, its almost as if its the only time christ will ever sin. it feels like i have found the door to heaven but waiting for her to spread her wings and welcome me in. ive followed the path that the curves in her body portrayed. all the photographs that painted the portrait ive been staring at, behind my eyes, night and day. but as time goes by, memories have never seem so faded and the comfort never felt so far away. shattered glass replaced us with a photograph. nothing really makes sense to me anymore. nothing really feels like its in place, and its like theres no place for anything to be put in. almost a permanent off balance? ive touched the ground before, and it treated me so kind. for some odd reason i just cant seem to extend my legs so i guess comfort ive failed to find? how easy it was for all to abandon. am i a broken leg? thinking back i seem to recall somebody i thought was gold. little did i know it was a stranger forming to fit the mold by all the lies ive been told. every move ive made, has been broken down. over analyzing every glance i take. is there a reason why everyone around me seems so alive inside? whats in this october air that makes me inconfident, insecure, and running off to hide? its like everything i do, im destined to lose. whats for the better, just cuts me into two. nights laying awake with my head in my hands. one day id hope to make a bed that stands. when its time for bed i tell myself i am happy. ive let myself down, as my shadow just stares at me. you're body, itd fit perfectly as if alligned. you're head, would rest perfectly under my chin as if designed. you're arms, formulate, and lock in with mine, as one together we could have formed the worlds longest line. like ive said before, ive burned down every single bridge with no plans to rebuild. all it does is give that person youve built to secure, an easier way to walk on you. i used to think, the best thing in life would be being the best thing in someones life, but when the eyes of a beauty takes you to you're knees, make sure you use you're hands to guide you to you're seat. this weather just makes me want to let the world go, but i have nowhere to go. ill just look deep into my future outside my window. but, now its time for bed and i can safely say im unhappy. because i infact have seen better days, but they just laughed at me.

fuck me, and fuck you too.

fuck the kids who go to their friends college's to party. fuck the kids who live the life their parents chose for them. fuck the kids who wont take the risk. fuck the kids who tell me im wrong. fuck the kids who are in a basement full of smoke. fuck the kids who cant function without scoring with a chick. fuck the kids who have something after doing nothing. fuck the kids who judge by reputation. fuck the kids who dont have it inside of them. fuck the kids who will call their older sibling. fuck the kids with the polo's, perfect hair, and nike's. fuck the kids who pick their outfit based on getting a girl. fuck the kids who play beer pong stands at boardwalks. fuck the kids who act hard. fuck the kids who drive nice cars because they were nothing in highschool. fuck the kids who were anything in highschool. fuck the kids who have no option to fit in but partying. fuck the kids who party. fuck the kids who have tribal tattoos. fuck the goodlooking girls who drink and smoke. fuck the blonde girls who party. fuck any girl who parties. fuck the girls who follow the party. fuck the cheerleaders and fuck the football players. but mostly, fuck the kid who sits out in gym class because he's living his life of anthem and rebelling on all society because that used to be me, and it got me nowhere. i am man enough to say i messed up, and to call myself a hypocryt. are you?

made a fool out of love

i did it. i let my guard down to the enemy. i feel like an idiot. i feel like getting punched is the best way to cope with this. i feel as if my legs were taken out from under me. growing the courage to fight such a war, and getting defeated in the first battle. my gut feeling is telling me this is for the better but i dont even know who i am. hopefully whoevers reading this is judging me. i plan on hiding. or maybe i should take action at full force. maybe i should start a war to heal this pain? i can assure you all, this bridge, like the others, will be burned, and i will not travel the streets on the other side ever again. that territoy will not be visited, so after you pushing me aside, i will push you farther then you pushed me, and will use the space i cleared after pushing you off to the side, to walk into a brighter future as you sit there next to you're bridge set aflame. dont ever bring me in, bring my guard down, and push me away. i will cause you're whole foundation to collapse, just like you're town, and i will break you're god damn heart, just like you're bridge. and i will leave you as a past mistake. hi, i am matthew carlock.