holidays

so christmas. yeah.
going to new brunswick tonight.

are you a loser? throw a party!

here it is. another year and some of my closest friends have turned there back on me yet again. another cliff i dive and survive, another leg i break and the way of wrong i heal. and they say its worth it in the end? well in about 20 minutes ill let you know. because for this, this is the end. the end to all the time wasted. would you fight for our friendship? another year of friends turning into shit. when something negative happens over and over it usually means you yourself needs to change you're ways. that's not the case. if i were to change, id be one of you. and you're saving out for the future? if you're saving anything it should be this. im done with crooked paths. i will never let us reach anything beyond a social conversation. i will never let you're plan come to play and piece itself together. everything broke, and im hiding the pieces in places you cannot find them. you will never talk you're way out of this one. not a fucking chance. i plan on burying you so deep inside of me, that nothing you do nor say will ever be heard enough to hurt me. im putting you're whole life, you're friends, and you yourself so far in the past that when you look forward you wont be able to see past me. and as for you? you were never my friend. you started as an enemy and i let my guard down and you let this happen. you are a bastard and every single one of you're friends are lowlife losers that once the beer is served you get fed like horses. you were always the enemy, you are not my brother. im done walking into darkness. im turning around and ill leave you with you're back to the sun. well, the road splits here, whats it going to be? left or right? im not even going to move forward, im going to turn around and chase the past i never got to see.

Vampire

If you say you are in a bad mood, and you are unhappy where you are at in you're life, it is because you are surrounding yourself with shitty people who could careless about you. God it's so annoying. Cut the weak out and stop it. The only reason i still have the right to complain is because ive done so, and you wont fucking leave. I mean that only sort of. What?


Cage kennylz.
Bruce.
The way i are
City and colour
so much shit.
this doesnt even make sense.
hunger.
hunger.
boys first time.
i went to L's party tonight.
then i went to shannons.
we watched fart porn.
yeah.
problem?

city and colour takes over my body

you are so blind. taking one single thought of yours and running with it, and sticking to you're guns no matter what is said or done. once the tables are slightly turned a war is at our hands. sometimes i want to snap, and plague the helpless but i cant help just want to sit you down and smuther you with glory. ive never had such a best friend, ive never thought itd come down to being so hard to live without this one single person. when i was a younger kid, i never thought in a million years id grow such a relationship with anyone. i never thought i needed anybody. but i do. its scary. besides the matter of love, and that whole field, itd just be awkward and no other human can fill that gap of existence even if they tried. such a feeling has dominated almost every other feeling in my body. ive been set to stone, and i have no problem with it. its mindblowing to actually say, and truly mean you would kill for somebody, other then you're family. and for something as little as spite, no matter what the spite is from and built off of, just spite being there and directed towards me, breaks my heart. i could understand if i have done wrong, but if so, i have never and never will leave a mess in you're hands without atleast a good attempt of cleaning it up. year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day, when my head hits the pillow at night, ive never been so sure of something. i wish you could just say the same.

isolated

as everyone sets off, parts their ways and begins whatever their work after all these years has instore for them, if its college, or working etc. i refuse. many say its a maturity issue. everyone my age has gone and revisited many times, but now they are different. they are grown up. they are everybody else. it is rather wierd. thats cool, go to college, go put things in place, i support that 100 percent. you may think its a maturity issue, and stand above me and my friends for what we are putting together. like i said, i support you're decision, but its when you give up on you're dream is when i think you're a complete chump. we will find our path to travel. just like you guys did. but we wont be walking down it like you, we'll be running.

i have no idea

im really bored.
crime in stereo is doin it for me right now.
drove to brookdale before.
nothing but snobby bitches that go there.
so annoying.
dropped a few friends.
sorry but you were a crutch.
out with the old.
in with the new.
this month is important.
important in a fake world though.


ive thought about it, im pretty stoked on these changes i made. ive never been so sure of something. if you're not going to take responsability for you're actions, then if you luck out when you're stuck and it doesnt go 100 percent the way you wanted, be happy it went all at. no favor had to be done. but it was, and just because it wasnt how you wanted it, doesnt mean its wrong. be greatful. it just shows who you really are. and i dont want to be around that. you're in the past now. forward i advance.


heres a stupid picture.



whats more important?
my mustache?
or that face?
ew.
i would hate me if i were a normal person.

falling apart.

everyday i take the long way home.
i see nothing of me in anything i own.













































































































































































































im not writing in this for awhile.

MY LIFE

The party starts at nine p.m. at which ever house is close and vacant,
We'll call the ten friends we've got left to pretend we've got a life.
The boys are slaying shitty brews, and I've been slaying orange juice.
You know we don't got shit to do, I guess we'll stay the night, fuck.



GAME OVER GUYS.
GAME OVER.

good friends doing bad things

good friends doing bad things
kids of nothing
fuck it all
went to my secret spot tonight
it was raining
i was wet
now im not
the wonder years
the gaslight anthem
brand new
skinnylove
it makes me not want to die
thinking comes too often for me
tomorrow we write more music
show in december
more soon
its hard to be the better man
i dont want to anymore
no boxers right now
just shorts
my friends are missing
i need to start school
i need to finish school
i need a job
i need my car
i live a life of procrastination
im starting to not like you guys
understanding the ones that were close, should be dead.
friday mother of mercy and cold world
cool i guess.
saturday halloween
i dont really know
going to make something to eat
then think about this situation that needs solution
peace

sweet.

apparently, you can fail highschool for being to scene.
i did.

In place

yesterday we wrapped up recording. it sounds surprisingly good and today we have to m ix it all. L hopped on a track and killed it. Hester killed it aswell. Im excited to start at the bottom and climb. After recording, Me chez L hester pesce drove to NElly's to get good. I got a fat AXP. After we just called it a night. Halloween soon, what the fucks good.

Fuck the bitches, i have shit to live for now.
I have shit behind me pushing me forward.
Shit is now in place, replacing you.
The door has now slammed itself shut.
Im not really sure if it will be open ever again.

fuck you

i really dislike:

quickcheck car kids.
junction car kids.
fresh fitted hat blunt smokers.
burnt out hippie blunt smokers.
stereotypical cheerleading party girls.
zumies semitight pants supra shoed kanyewest wannabe black kids.
fresh ecko unltd try hard graffiti writers.
ANY HOT GIRL WHO SMOKES/DRINKS.
hitop nikes, tight pants, bright diamond patterned against all odds hoodie FYS kids.
emmure/acacia strain hardcore kids with their basketball shorts and tough attitudes.

clothes that fit you, quick to judge, hate everything, miserable kids.....oh wait..

after

not much to say.
theres some picture.
alright.

uncomfortable vs comfortable

i feel uncomfortable when you lay you're head on my shoulder.
i feel uncomfortable when you put you're arm in mine.
i feel uncomfortable when you put you're hand holds my back pocket as we walk.
i feel uncomfortable when you speak the same words when i speak them.
i feel uncomfortable when you pull my arm down.
i feel uncomfortable when you stop short while walking infront of me.
i feel uncomfortable when you look at me like that.
i feel uncomfortable when you mess with my hair.
i feel uncomfortable when you call me matty.
i feel uncomfortable when you smoke.
i feel uncomfortable when you are under the influence.
i feel uncomfortable when you tell me you love me.
i feel uncomfortable when you hug me and never let go.
i feel uncomfortable when im around you're friends.
i feel uncomfortable when im in you're head.
i feel uncomfortable when you dont know what to say.
i feel uncomfortable when i listen to some of my favorite music.
i feel uncomfortable when i am in you're neighborhood.
i feel uncomfortable when i see you're car.
i feel uncomfortable when i hear you're name.
i feel uncomfortable when i see you're picture.
i feel uncomfortable when you smile via text message.
i feel uncomfortable when you tell me you miss me.
i feel terribly uncomfortable when i am searching for you're comfort.
you're my comfort. only you. its unreal at what one person can do to you. back and forth i just feel empty, then filled with love. i never thought a person could feel like this. it doesnt register in my brain. in a matter of seconds i drop, or rise higher, all based on her actions. all these years, all that matters is her. plain and simple. thats it. no matter how down i am, the worst part is, i am alright with it. its hard to stay positive, and keep strong when i the back of you're head you ask you'reself everyday, am i in love? its such a bad feeling when the only experience with such a thing is sour. it will never leave you until you give it a fine chance. i guess that im just still waiting for that to happen. if you think anything about admitting to love, is being a pussy, then you have something terribly wrong with you. i want to turn these bad times into good so badly. i dont know what it is. if you see this, i survived playing in traffic. i think about you alot. to the normal person this entry is very stupid. to the select few who share the feeling, thanks for understanding. goodnight. i love you.

a toungue in a sharks mouth

everything we said, everything we told each other. it meant nothing to you.

cold lipz

bruce springsteen- born to run
bruce springsteen- thunder road
angels and airwaves- the adventure
angels and airwaves- good day
title fight- no one stays at the top forever
the gaslight anthem- the backseats
american football- never meant
brand new- not the sun
foundation- heartless
forfiet- visions
neyo- closer

im not into whats in or whats out, or whats cool or whats not, if im gay for lsitening to this or if im cool for lsitening to this, whatever. these songs explain something or another. nothing to say.

kids of nothing

im slipping. i need to get back into shape and stop putting everything i want off to the side. im letting this female drag me behind her car while she drives it. why? couldnt tell you. its time for me to get in gear and ditch this degrading feeling i have. the lonesome has to go. out with the sorrow. i want to take this failure and mold it into gold. i used to always think i would be left alone while everyone my age around me goes away to college to pursue they're happy little fairytale lives. good for them, the point is, why did i expect such low expectations for myself my entire life? i sat and lived my own life as the sheep around me gathered they're food and found shelter. i have met my goal. the goal i set, i have now met and i am still hungry. a life of nothing. i want to run down this broken confused path of mine but i can barely walk. all my life, ive been waiting for this nothing. ive built a fort out of failure and a bunker out of spite, but whos this leader to tell the sheep that they're wrong or right? how could i take nothing and turn it into something? as ive been living my life pushing everybody away from me in fear of getting let down after i take them in, i am the one who i should have been watching. i set a curse on myself. i got the best of myself, and now i am unfixable and everything underneath my skin has gone to sleep and the only living aspect of this body is the thorne stuck in my side. im tired of this. im tired of it. im tired of it. im tired of it. im changing. you you you you you and you are getting thrown under the bus. i could give a shit about any of you're reputations, it means nothing to me who you know, what you're good at, or anyother fabrication of identity any kid gets confused with judgemental wise. i dont care what you think about me from how i act, the things i say, the things i wear, my own word i turn back on ( by the way its not a hypocryt when you grow up and get over the feelings that produced such a bold statement, and for any friend that wants to bitch and complain abut me and her being tight again just leave now because she will always be my best friend and i love her more then life and any of you worthless pieces of shit will never care or know me as well as she does, and calling me a hypocryt is the perfect example ) , to you're self centered negative thoughts on the words i put in this writing space. kids of nothing.
















also. for these random highschool chumps.
you know not a single thing about me.
i hear the shit you talk.
but i dont see the words leaving you're mouth.
i see you're words leaving the mouths of the sheep.
you step a crooked walk, you and you're boys.
fitted hats are the new muscles.

i dont know

this is the most random picture ive ever came across what? ok.


i feel used. i never relized it until now. whatever. you're being left in the past. im turning my back on alot of people i never thought i would. people that ive shared much of my time with, but if it meant anything, there wouldnt be a reason for such departing. oh well, life sucks i guess. you're going backwards. give me something amazing to share. change my life. you know who you are.

demise

its rather terrible after i think about it. i have no desire whatsoever to spend anytime with you, nor share any space with you. anything beyond a good old conversation between us seems so fake. in an hour or two im going to anchorage to let balloons go for dana with sme friends then probably out to eat. rest in peace. party in the bush.

18

i apologize for anyone that views this that is my family, but i still stand by this note/picture as strong as i did when i wrote it. i will never give in. die slow, you will. i promise.

outline

today/tonight was great. it opened up my eyes. i wokeup, kicked around the house all day. drove to brookdale to get shotdown because i am poor so i guess that means ill kick reality off to the side for a few mroe days. then i went to the bruce show with my family and friends that i can call family. it was amazing. mindblowing to see hes still running around like a little kid. hes truly the boss. id work for him. after we got home i went to get food by myself but nothing was open so i took a much needed drive all the way to nellys. it was good to clear my head after a good day. we start re screening everything tomorrow i hope for the new band's merch since we finilized the band name. then tracking vocals real soon. got some shows linedup. the next 2 years are in place, just have to walk through it. i promised myself i am going to stay away from these crazy females. i dont want that. so stay away, unless you're blonde, then in that case you probably smoke pot and drink beer alot so ill stay away. peace 1. back and forth.

Back and forth

im in a pretty back and forth mood right now. ive been shifting to the sides and gonig up and down, all across the room, walking on the cieling, crawling on the floor, gliding up against each and every wall there is. what the fuck. one minute. the next. the next. the next. the next the nextt thern fdshfwenlnexct.4ergsdg. go go go go go. i dont know whats in my head right now. i dont want to think about dana centanni. another kid just died. i didnt know him.



many terrible things have set us back, but the more i i lose, the more i need. i know you will come across this. i havent seen you in awhile. i miss you, and i would like to share my stupid world with you. thats pretty much it. lifes cool lately. whatever. fuck the negative, and try to stay positive, but end up negative in the end and then fuck every good thing i have to hell, and end up in my bed and 12 people mad at me then i dont care, then they hate me then i get spiteful so then i drink soda and i odsgdfjklhsgh0-ypije3lkgjsdfgklhdfjkdg KILL ME.




BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
BACK AND FORTH
ITLL NEVER END

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_c9v9G5-xs&feature=player_embedded#t=144







I can say i am straight edge, but i dont support shuving my beliefs down other peoples throats as to people wearing certain things as a fashion statement to give off the straight edge, or just being an obnoxious rude asshole to prove to people that i am straight edge. I think its silly. I think if its a personal choice then keep it to yourself. Why go through so much to brag and to prove, when inside thats really who you are? I really wouldnt like it if someone bragged to me how badly they got hammered the night before now wouldnt i? Those are just my thoughts. But, whats my word? My opinion doesnt matter im just another human on this earth whos got something to say. I watched this trailor, and i can honestly say i support it 100 percent. I think it looks sick. As for me? tomorrow im gong out to lunch, then to long island to hangout. Dont get in contact with me. Maybe ill have some fun!

You

would you walk with me out on the wire?

you're still freezing.

shes what they call a best friend.
she is such a good person and i love her.
i always did, and i always will.
what you hear doesnt matter.
steaaaaaalll my souulllll

im in an amazing mood.
god damn.








































































































































































































where have you been?
i remember you.
barely.
you're probably freezing.
you sold you're self short for a good time.
every move you make
will never matter in a year.
you're freezing.

i dont want october.

ive taken my time as i picked apart my past waiting patiently to catch the solutions to questions i have asked. i have been taking my time picking apart the dead, grabbing each and every thought that flowed throughout her head. was i right or was i wrong? the misery of october. the scent, and the air that is allowed, its almost as if its the only time christ will ever sin. it feels like i have found the door to heaven but waiting for her to spread her wings and welcome me in. ive followed the path that the curves in her body portrayed. all the photographs that painted the portrait ive been staring at, behind my eyes, night and day. but as time goes by, memories have never seem so faded and the comfort never felt so far away. shattered glass replaced us with a photograph. nothing really makes sense to me anymore. nothing really feels like its in place, and its like theres no place for anything to be put in. almost a permanent off balance? ive touched the ground before, and it treated me so kind. for some odd reason i just cant seem to extend my legs so i guess comfort ive failed to find? how easy it was for all to abandon. am i a broken leg? thinking back i seem to recall somebody i thought was gold. little did i know it was a stranger forming to fit the mold by all the lies ive been told. every move ive made, has been broken down. over analyzing every glance i take. is there a reason why everyone around me seems so alive inside? whats in this october air that makes me inconfident, insecure, and running off to hide? its like everything i do, im destined to lose. whats for the better, just cuts me into two. nights laying awake with my head in my hands. one day id hope to make a bed that stands. when its time for bed i tell myself i am happy. ive let myself down, as my shadow just stares at me. you're body, itd fit perfectly as if alligned. you're head, would rest perfectly under my chin as if designed. you're arms, formulate, and lock in with mine, as one together we could have formed the worlds longest line. like ive said before, ive burned down every single bridge with no plans to rebuild. all it does is give that person youve built to secure, an easier way to walk on you. i used to think, the best thing in life would be being the best thing in someones life, but when the eyes of a beauty takes you to you're knees, make sure you use you're hands to guide you to you're seat. this weather just makes me want to let the world go, but i have nowhere to go. ill just look deep into my future outside my window. but, now its time for bed and i can safely say im unhappy. because i infact have seen better days, but they just laughed at me.

fuck me, and fuck you too.

fuck the kids who go to their friends college's to party. fuck the kids who live the life their parents chose for them. fuck the kids who wont take the risk. fuck the kids who tell me im wrong. fuck the kids who are in a basement full of smoke. fuck the kids who cant function without scoring with a chick. fuck the kids who have something after doing nothing. fuck the kids who judge by reputation. fuck the kids who dont have it inside of them. fuck the kids who will call their older sibling. fuck the kids with the polo's, perfect hair, and nike's. fuck the kids who pick their outfit based on getting a girl. fuck the kids who play beer pong stands at boardwalks. fuck the kids who act hard. fuck the kids who drive nice cars because they were nothing in highschool. fuck the kids who were anything in highschool. fuck the kids who have no option to fit in but partying. fuck the kids who party. fuck the kids who have tribal tattoos. fuck the goodlooking girls who drink and smoke. fuck the blonde girls who party. fuck any girl who parties. fuck the girls who follow the party. fuck the cheerleaders and fuck the football players. but mostly, fuck the kid who sits out in gym class because he's living his life of anthem and rebelling on all society because that used to be me, and it got me nowhere. i am man enough to say i messed up, and to call myself a hypocryt. are you?

made a fool out of love

i did it. i let my guard down to the enemy. i feel like an idiot. i feel like getting punched is the best way to cope with this. i feel as if my legs were taken out from under me. growing the courage to fight such a war, and getting defeated in the first battle. my gut feeling is telling me this is for the better but i dont even know who i am. hopefully whoevers reading this is judging me. i plan on hiding. or maybe i should take action at full force. maybe i should start a war to heal this pain? i can assure you all, this bridge, like the others, will be burned, and i will not travel the streets on the other side ever again. that territoy will not be visited, so after you pushing me aside, i will push you farther then you pushed me, and will use the space i cleared after pushing you off to the side, to walk into a brighter future as you sit there next to you're bridge set aflame. dont ever bring me in, bring my guard down, and push me away. i will cause you're whole foundation to collapse, just like you're town, and i will break you're god damn heart, just like you're bridge. and i will leave you as a past mistake. hi, i am matthew carlock.

Centuries

Here it comes..

no winning.

drowning in a pool of my own insecurities
matthew, you are a good child.
i never met him, but im sure he is.

I went to the city tonight. It was pretty entertaining, but the entertainment wasnt. I want to get beat up. I want someone to put my head through a wall, and punch me over and over in the face. Maybe it will teach me a lesson. Or maybe im full of shit and itll spark a fire.

As for you.

Save yourself from me.

Late nights and fistfights with the mind of a lion.

Ive been collecting my thoughts for some time and adventuring out to many different outlets of success. Ive been told that i should stick with music for the rest of my life by someone who has faded, but played an important role in the past. I have died everynight in my bed and im starting to take the world for what its worth into consideration, but however, one being content can equal one that makes you content, being miserable. Ive been on this train ride for almost 18 years it feels like my hands of spite have turned a simple train ride into a trainwreck. It seems as if every thought in my head gets turned upside down and dangled and as the change falls out of ones pockets, you are exposed to an impressive amount of route thoughts that you can easily pick up off the floor and run with. Me being happy, comes and goes. Ive told myself that i would never ever experience the feeling of defeat, and foolishness caused by a female, ever, ever again in my life. But i also told myself, i would find the most amazing person on planet earth and wrap my arms around her and never let go. Despite of what people may see, the vibe i give off, and my actions, i have the biggest heart towards ones i hold dear. Like i said, me being happy, comes and goes. In big groups of people that i dont know, i feel uncomfortable, shallow, and i just want to get out as soon as possible. Infront of family, i hide expect to get left alone. I run by one quote. Pay no mind to the untrusted. If there was any group of words put into a sentence to match me, it would be that. My personality, i cannot blend in and be one of them. I cannot sit back relax at anytime of the day. You may call me an attention whore. If i feel the discomfort of blending in, whatever the situation is, i have to stand out and that is the will power i have to make it in the future. I have been reflecting on what i have to call mine and i have absolutely nothing but a license and the clothes on my back. But the one thing that allows me to awake in the morning is living the life i have chosen to live. Now, you can bring back that 2 week time span of my life where i had no care in the world, but i have been clean for almost 4 years now, and having you're head on straight and taking what you claim is honestly, the best feeling that has ever came across my body. The sad part is that my friends call me out on my beliefs. Theres a fine line between doing something while hesitating and doing something with you're whole entire heart backing you up and i think making my mistakes without my heart backing me up, is a pretty bold reason why you can categorize it as a mistake and weed out what is true and false about ones life. I have looked back on the past and the things i have done and said to people and i am disgusted in myself. For allowing, ready for this? For alllowing myself get the best of myself. The devil herself once said she holds my heart, but it is to hard to reach it at times, and it hit me that i am too thick and instead of fixing my mistakes, i back them up. The daily problems i face everyday and night are self caused but you cant control when you cause them because when you are fighting derpression, you are at a constant rate of door swinging negativity that collapses the minds of the one suffering, in a matter of seconds. You drop everything, and the first person who attempts to comfort you, you viciously attack but at the same time you know they are only trying to comfort you. You then, over the years, grow cold towards many of the ones you are surrounded with and you endup spending you're nights with you're phone shutoff listening to a very mellow acoustic song with your head stuffed in a pillow. Then as time flies by, you start facing outbursts of anger that destroys the relationships of anybody you have ever cared about. Including girlfriend, family, and anyone close. Dealing with this shit, destroying my family, and pure anger has showed me who i really am and who i need to be to be accepted in this so called " world ", and if i have ever put you down i am sorry, but it was to make myself feel better for i stand on a peice of wood that is ontop of a bowling ball and i am constantly back and forth. And for me admitting that, and writing this whole thing, i would hope you would accept my apology. But hey, being negative, hating, and being depressed is the new black now isnt it?

Moshpital.

That day will go down in the history books.
For some reason..
Dan hardcore everyone.


Ive been nocturnal for a week now. Its really wierd. Yesterday i went to Redbank and metup with people then went to Ians house then we had to leave. It was fun though. Its so wierd looking back at my life in the past and comparing it to now. Who were those people? WHo are the ones i hangout with now? Shit. This weather just reminds me of the first ava album. Blonde haired girls, and trash talk? Bad memories. I like the cold though it makes me want to skateboard and be naked. Matt what are you talking about. Ive been in a good mood as of lately. I dont really know what to say here, nobody reads this anyway. Fuck.

Never again.

You're a bridge unsturdy.
Connected to streets i dont want to travel.
Ive been there before
A town full of the most spiteful gravel.

I burnt you're bridge after i crossed it back home.
This time apart has lasted so much longer.
Despite the fact that i now sleep alone.
Ill never return, im alot stronger.

I built a fort out of failure.
A bunker based off spite.
A fist full of lies
That get me through the night.

I had a vision once.
We had the world in our hands.
Two lanes took us to where reality couldnt stand.
Never Again.

paper hearts

i dont know what it is about you. i keep coming back to walk away. i went to bushovers tonight. then dipped out and hungout with amanda and danhardcore. went back. saw D before he leaves. sat and ate a quickcheck sub with jack chez masi and dallara. lifes acceptable now. i have a job that pays more then i can handle and i got 2 new pairs of pants. i get a new car soon aswell. My Demise is recording first demo now so im looking forward to that. im helping out a friends band by playing drums for them. it should be fun. some people, when they talk about music, they lack so much knowledge that i cant even believe it, some words they speak, sentences they form are just unheard of and they walk as if they are some kind of big deal, but if they think that, then its a lose lose situation on their behalf. this season im going to be all over the place, im really excited. now that i sold my soul for some gold i can put it into living a few of my dreams i cooked up in this stupid head of mine. i drank a monster, ontop of a fuckload of soda, so i dont think ill be sleeping for the next couple of days. my life is gonig back and forth, my friends change by the week, my position changes by the month, but hey atleast i dont want to be dead.

Looking up

Things are looking up for once. Have a few jobs linedup. Recording new demo with new band. No longer am i hungup. I went to a party tonight and saw a select few people in which i used to contact quite often. We didnt talk. Others, we did. On such rare occasions i bring people close these days, a good thing aswell as bad. These little journals keep me sane. Its almost 7 am and i havent slept, but The gaslight anthem is keeping me alive. In my house i was brought up on Bruce Springsteen, and so was the singer, and for them to idolize Bruce but play music that corrensponds with my generation, is really cool for me and easy for me to get into. Ive been with my band alot, brittany kelly, and joe lisita. They are good people and i enjoy there company because they havent let me down, but more important, they are still here after i let them down. Summer is almost over, and i can proudly say i havent accomplished a single thing to benefit myself. Each day, a minor setback as another advances. But ill just continue to keep taking life as i get it and trying to stay alive. Nobody is going to read this. Nobody cares about my life. I just like to write, if its to how happy i am, or how much i want to die. Writing is writing.